Romantic Gay Weddings

What if I'm asked to photograph a gay wedding?

(Mature answers only please. The reason why I'm asking this is the photography section is because I want answers from fellow photographers. If I wanted your opinion on my beliefs I would have put this in a different section. Please be respectful! =) Thanks)

I am a photographer that has about 15 weddings booked for 2009 and am still constantly booking more.

My only problem is.. I don't know how I would feel if I was asked to do a gay wedding. I think I would feel very uncomfortable and I wouldn't want to do it. When a couple contacts me (most of the time by email) they don't give both couples names.

If I was gay, I know some people wouldn't feel comfortable about it. I would probably make it known to the photographer and ask if they were comfortable. Obviously, I would want to work with someone that was totally comfortable with me! But, I've heard a lot of stories about people getting sued for not taking business from gay people.

What are my options? Can I refuse to shoot a gay wedding?
This is exactly what I was talking about. If you can't even spell how am I supposed to take your opinion seriously? Obviously, you are NOT a photographer and this was a question to photographers. It's just a question.
The problem I'm worried about is what if they don't tell me they're gay until after I tell them I'm free and can do it?

Public Comments

1. u r selfish and gay people are not like animals they are regular human beings!! if you are uncomfortable photographing a gay marriage the couple will have some1 else that is respectful to do it and you wont get the money!

2. You probably should NOT refuse (for fear of legal trouble). But you can find other reason to.

Besides like you said, they would NOT want to use somebody who THEY are not comfortable with either. I don't think it is a big problem. Many gay people wants to REWARD people who support them by given them the business.

If you ever get called, then just say that you have NEVER done gay wedding. That would be enough signal that you are uncomfortable. And if they press on just keeps asking lots of info and sound nervous about doing it (like is there anything I should know? can you tell me about this? about that? etc.) They will get a bad vibe about you.


Good Luck...

P.S. Again, I think THEY don't WANT you if they don't know you. So I think you are worried about nothing. They don't want somebody who will take the job and mess it up (because the photog didn't approve of gay marriage, etc.)

P.P.S. I am a wedding photog and I've never been asked. I think (like most wedding jobs) it is from referral.

3. Gonna try not and get moral here. If you truly feel uncomfortable about it, tell the couple you are booked up. I assume you do a consultation with the couple before booking, just to mash up on ideas and what is to be expected so you should be able to gather your info then.

However I would shoot the wedding despite personal feelings. Photography like any other job is not just about the fun and comfortable moments. Sometimes you will have jobs you don't like and this can go down as experience.

4. You should do it. I'm not a photographer and I'm not gay, but it's probably just like any other wedding and the two people want to be happy together, just like everyone else. If it makes you too uncomfortable, though, say that you're really sorry but you're booked for that day. It would be a lot better than saying, "hey! I'm not gonna photograph a gay wedding! you're gross!"

5. You are acting as a business person and you have to make the decision that is best for your business without compromising your own morals. As a business owner you can refuse any job. It is a good idea to be tactful when refusing. You may even be able to recommend another photographer, who in turn can recommend you to clients they have to turn down. There are currenlty no laws against this type of discrimination. The only way I see a possiblity for a lawsuit would be for you to default or withdrawl from a contractual obligation. Please keep in mind if you choose not to book same sex weddings you could be loosing a lot of $$$. Typiclly same sex couples are just like everyone else, they want a beautiful wedding and amazing pictures to commerate it.

6. I am not a photographer but am a business person.

My advice would mirror that of a previous poster and if you are asked to photograph a gay wedding, inform them in a polite way that you want to let them know you have no experience in photography for gay weddings, and tell them you want to ask if THEY are comfortable with that.

If they say no, then you can both likely respectfully decide to not do business.

If they say they are comfortable with that, then perhaps you might want to consider asking the right questions to consider doing it? You could go on to politely say you do not have much experience with gay couples at all, but would like to do the project, and would like to ask some questions regarding what they are wanting in regards to photography. This could open the grounds for you do discuss any aspects of the photo shoot that you are uncomfortable with.

Perhaps if you were able to find a couple who was not offended and open to working with you, you could get the experience and be comfortable doing gay weddings in the future.

The reason I suggest this is from a business perspective: gay marriage is not accepted in most states, so you must live in or near one of the states that do allow this, putting you in a niche market. If you got the experience and became comfortable with it through doing one or two, you could include this as a specialty point in your advertising (maybe even advertise through gay organizations), and perhaps enhance your business by working in this niche.

7. I think you should just do it. Look at it as a job, nothing more, nothing less. Take the money and move on. In the real world, homosexuality isn't a big deal anymore (and it shouldn't be!), so to you it may seem odd but to everyone else it's just another wedding.

8. Regardless of what someone else said above me, you have the right to refuse any business. You do not have to take anyone's business for any reason. AND you do not have to tell people why. It is not illegal.

But it wuld be foolish for saying why for fear of being raked over the coals.

My policy is to schedule an interview with any persons asking. At anytime if you do not feel comfortable for any reason, then just say, "You know? I just dont think I am the right photographer for you. After listening to everything you hae said, and talking it over with you, I just do not think I can provide you with the service you are looking for. I can provide you with some other names of other photographers."

If that does not work for you, simply take their deposit, shake their hand and leave. The very next day tell them that something has come up, and you will not be able to do their wedding. Gie them back their deposit that you never put in the bank, and offer no explanation as to why you need to cancel. You already took their money the day before, so they will likely not suspect anything.

9. Morality has little to do with this situation. You're running a business. Approach it the same as any other business decision. If you wish to have a successful business, you have to be in business to be successful - this means, you're in business to make money. And gay/homosexual clients have money that spends the same as everyone else's. If you want to be a professional, you have to learn to separate your personal beliefs from your business goals. Plain and simple. Were it me, I would definetely shoot a gay wedding, despite not being gay myself. At the very least, it will show your range of talent.

Part of this answer is my opinion, the last part. The rest is business. I really don't see how religion, race, or sexual orientation could possibly effect a decision such as this to provide a service to someone. Quite frankly, this question is irrelevent and insensitive - refusing service to someone because they are different, or because you don't agree with their lifestyle. That part is definetely my opinion.

10. You are a professional. It matters not who or what the subjects are in a wedding shoot.

Years ago I once shot a wedding of two standard poodles ... it was a really fun event with very interesting people. I my whole career, I have only shot four weddings and the dog wedding was the most fun and had the least stress. The reception was one I will never forget.

11. It's okay that you don't feel comfortable and you don't have to feel that you are homophobic for not wanting to do so. While their lifestyle is their freedom, you don't necessarily have to condone it (that's your freedom).

From a non-moral view, I can have some friends that are gay, while at the same time be extremely uncomfortable when they kiss. Being a photographer, you'll be looking at them kiss.... a lot. Your work could suffer if you stomach is churning when you look through the viewfinder.

Perhaps start asking a few more questions before saying whether you are free or not. Have them complete a "standard" form which includes both couples names, time, # of hours, location of ceremony (indoors, church, outdoors) , etc. That way you can get more information while being discreet.

While it's best to politely say you are busy, there are resources in defense against potential lawsuits if the need arises. Organizations like the Alliance Defense Fund or the Thomas More Law Center have defended (for free) photographers against these lawsuits.

12. you don't refuse to shoot it...you can gently turn it down saying you've already been booked for that date (if you are uncomfy with or around gay people)

or you can just simply shoot it...it's just 2 people in love and they want to capture that moment and being a photographer I'm more than glad to make it a piece of art that you can add to your portfolio and also give them happiness and memories from your work

13. If you don't want to shoot it then just make the excuse that you are too busy and already booked up for that date (obviously get the date first).
If you don't get the details of the couple initially then you could always just "pencil it in" and make your excuses later. Just ensure that you talk to the "couple" as soon after you get the initial mail as you possibly can.


If you refuse just because the couple is gay then you are laying yourself open to the possibility of some fool trying to get you for discrimination.
I don't know where you are located but if in the US then there is more chance of this because of the litigious nature of the country.
In the UK there are all sorts of discrimination laws including sexual discrimination which this I guess would come under.

Unless you have strong beliefs against gay marriage then really you should just approach it as any other wedding.

14. Why would two poodles of the same sex be getting married?

It's your professional decision, you decide what work you take for any reason you feel comfortable with.

Never mind that to others they are just dogs and the reception will be a wild gay orgy.

15. You might be gay.

16. Relax - go for it if the occasion comes up. Gay people aren't going to be lusting after you any more than every woman you meet will be.

Gay people know how to throw a party - a Gay wedding should be fun.

If it really gets to you - just don't kiss the bride . ;)

Depending where you are, refusing might create discrimination problems unless you genuinely have another engagement.

Besides, from a purely business point of view, networking with Gay people could be very valuable - it would appear to be a completely new avenue for you.

I am one hundred percent male - a gorgeous wife and five lovely daughters - but I find the company of Gay people to be very entertaining. I also get a lot of business from them. Several lifelong friends of my wife and mine are Gay and Lesbian. We look forward to their visits. (And when I was young I was homophobic...)